The Oscars

I am certainly no expert on the Oscars nor a movie guru for that matter; however for once, I have actually seen 4 of the 10 movies nominated for Best Picture. My thoughts are as follows:

Winters Bone

It is my opinion that Winters Bone would probably not have been nominated if the old system still existed, where only 5 movies had the honor instead of 10. It's a small, subtle, very gritty film. The movie moves rather slow and it is the story of not only a girl trying to find her father but how she comes to terms with the adult she has to be. Family is sometimes all you have. I grew up in Appalachia and even though this film is set in Arkansas, I knew people like those portrayed in the film, hard, poor, knowing nothing else but their own existence.There is a sadness and despair in this movie that only people that have lived it, know what it is like. The cast that was chosen lived these characters, they were these people that knew nothing else but what was in front of them, no hope other than living day to day.

It is not the most exciting film but it is heartbreaking and Jennifer Lawrence and John Hawkes (who I did not recognize from his other work) are excellent. They both deserve their nominations, especially John Hawkes. Is TearDrop (John Hawkes' character), good, bad, where is heart, what makes him tick? Teardrop is one of the most intriguing and fascinating characters of all the movies I have seen this year. Does he have a chance against Christian Bale or Geoffrey Rush? Probably not. Does this movie have a chance to win Best Picture? Probably not but nonetheless it is a fascinating character study and it is very much a character driven movie. Interesting little film.

True Grit

I love westerns, always have. I must have been a cowgirl or cowboy along the way. I have never seen the original True Grit, so my opinion is only based on this version. I was intrigued with this movie up until the end, then it fell flat for whatever reason. Jeff Bridges and Hailee Steinfeld did a fine job in their roles. Matt Damon, well the mustache was distracting and Matt always looks so wholesome and good, so whenever I see him in "bad" guy roles, he creeps me out, seriously. I had to turn off the The Talented Mr Ripley because he was so creepy, but I guess that's a sign he's a good actor if he can turn his all American good looks into someone repulsive. The movie kept my interest and the actors were fine but it lacked a certain punch for me. I think it's a fine enough film and I would watch it again because it held my interest. As for winning an oscar for Best Picture, not sure on that one, probably not.

The King's Speech

Did you ever feel that a movie was too perfect? Well, this is how I felt about The King's Speech. I love Colin Firth and he was perfect in this role, as were Geoffrey Rush and Helena Bonham Carter. This is the type of movie made for the oscar crowd and it's almost too perfect, everything from the plot, the script, the actors is just right, of course you can't upset royalty, so I guess it's best to show them in the most flattering light. Don't get me wrong, I like the film but I did I love it? That's debatable, it kept my interest, it's a finely made film, and it has a good message but I am not sure I would watch it again. Perfection can sometimes be boring and there were times, I wished it would end. I think the most fascinating part was watching the banter between Guy Pearce (the "bad" king) and Colin Firth. Maybe I need to watch it again to see if I can catch any flaws. Will it win Best Picture? Very likely. It's that type of movie. Will Colin Firth win? Very likely and he deserves it, he's both a gentleman (well he seems to be) and an excellent actor.

Inception

I watched Inception when it came out last July and watched it again recently. Where does reality begin or does it ever begin? Are we dreaming now? More questions than answers to ponder. There were elements that could have been better but overall it's an excellent film. It is not a film without flaws but it is a film most people would want to watch again. If you only have watched this film once, then do yourself a favor and watch it again. I felt one weak spot was Ellen Page. I do like her as an actress but I felt her character was out of place here, I don't know why. I think a flaw in some of Nolan's films are his female characters feel out of character and don't flow as well, I don't know how to explain it really. Leo and the rest of the cast worked well together but she seemed disjointed, as if she was just thrown in to be a heroine & competing for a place among the boys (I loved Tom Hardy's character, can't wait to see Tom in more things). Despite my minor quibble here, I still love the movie. Does this film have a chance at winning best picture? Maybe if somehow The Social Network and The King's Speech, split the votes, but the chances are slim and Inception isn't really "oscar" material is it? Not the type of film the Academy deems as "proper" film achievement I suppose. Inception and Shutter Island (which wasn't nominated) were two of my favorite movies last year. I am not saying they were the best made movies but overall fascinating and that's what counts for me, not what the Academy thinks or what a critic feels. Watch what you like, no one will think you the lesser for it.

To live without passion is to die with nothing.

Not sure where that quote came from, if anywhere or if I am just making up stuff. It's a new year and some people think of this as a new start. I don't think I have ever started my life completely over, made small changes along the way but I have never waited for the new year to implement those changes. My plan this year? Get through with school, continue my eating plan regiment, kick the negative people out of my life (yeah really), and then who knows? My life will continue as it always has. I am not sure where I will end up at the end of the year but I cannot be worried about that now. The point of this is not to worry, not to sit around and just wait for things to happen. I have lived my life the best I know how at this point in my life. Small changes happen along the way and do not generally happen overnight (well unless a major catastrophe happens, then that's a big change). The point of this all? Don't wait for a new year to make changes, stop making excuses, live your life the best you know how, do everything in your own power to make you happy, live your life with passion, otherwise you have nothing in the end.

It's ok to dislike people

I have come to the conclusion that it's ok to dislike people. It really is. Don't ever feel bad that you don't like someone. There are some things and characteristics that are just plain unforgivable. Someone wrongs you and treats you like dirt? It's ok to dislike that person. Someone run over your cat? It's ok to dislike that person. Someone treats you in a condescending manner & yells at you? It's ok to dislike that person. Someone stole $20 from your wallet? It's ok to dislike that person. Some guy or girl slept with you and never called back? It's ok to dislike him or her. You don't even have to have a reason to dislike someone. Sometimes people just rub you the wrong way and it happens. I am not the type of person that can hide my disregard for someone and I won't feel bad because I don't like someone. I am also not always the most forgiving person, so even though I may care about someone and that person wrongs me, it doesn't mean I like that person very much after the fact. I am not saying you should hate everyone or let hate live in your heart but realize it is ok to dislike people. So if I dislike you, don't take it personally, because I am sure you don't care all that much anyway.

Thank you Beth

Thank you Beth for saying, "There's nothing wrong with you Krista". It was rather sweet of you to try to make me feel better and it did briefly help. I may have believed you for two minutes; but I still think there's something wrong with me. I guess I wouldn't be human if I thought I was perfect. So Beth, I appreciate you trying to cheer me up. Your kindness did not go unnoticed.

Suicide & the dead girl

Yeah, I know another morbid post but there's a reason for this I promise. At my work recently there have been a few suicides and a woman was also found in our park system, who had committed suicide. It's ironic that if I ever choose to end my life, I thought I would do it the same way this woman did but I would be more desolate about it, alone in death like in life (yes I truly do have somewhat of a plan if it ever comes to that).

I can't pretend to know what a person that committed suicide has went through because I don't know. Everyone's experience is individual. I don't know what every suicidal person feels and maybe no one will ever understand completely; however I can tell you what a person feels like when she is on the brink of suicide along with a failed attempt & some half-assed attempts. Yep, I had a failed suicide attempt. I won't go into the details of what happened but I was young & it made me very ill, so instead of dying, I got sick. Guess I am not very good at that sort of thing.

The teenage years, 18 and even into the early twenties are such fragile ages. No one ever tells you how hard life is. I remember Buffy (from Buffy the Vampire Slayer) telling her sister as Buffy goes off to save the world, "The hardest thing to do in this world is live in it." Deciding to live in this world is a hard thing but deciding to die is no easy task either.

Committing suicide takes guts. Sorry if people that have lost someone to suicide find this offensive. I am no way admiring (or advocating either) someone for taking his/her own life but saying it takes a lot of determination and sheer will to pull the trigger, put one's neck in the noose, drive the car off the cliff, or whatever method is chosen, that takes guts. It's not a choice to be taken lightly. It's final and dying isn't always so easy either, much like living.

I've been put down, laughed at, made fun of, made to feel like the most worthless person ever, heartbroken, unloved, stomped on, ostracized by my father, verbally assaulted by my mother, called more worthless names than I can count. At times it felt like the pain was infinite and would never go away. An ex once told me, the pain was in my head, well M. you are an asshole and fuck you. Yet, somehow I went on living, at least pretended like I was living. I went through the motions that everything was fine, even though I felt like a living dead girl, alive on the outside, dead on the inside. Pretending to be "alive" and happy is no easy task. There were even times I felt like I had nothing to lose, which can be dangerous indeed. I've been reckless, despondent, thought many times "this is it, I can't take it anymore" but I kept going for whatever reason. Maybe I thought things would get better or maybe I just stopped caring or maybe I just realized there are too many assholes in this world and some people need to be told to fuck off. Maybe I haven't reached my true breaking point yet. Maybe all my previous attempts were really not really attempts and I knew that life meant much more than dying.

No one can live for you and you can't live for anyone. If you want to stay alive, it has to be your choice. Maybe one day, I will feel like I have nothing to lose and I will succeed in an attempt. Truly I really don't know but I do know this, I am alive for today and that is what matters. I guess I am more resilient than I give myself credit for. And to all the people who have treated me like I was worthless and tried to break me, well Fuck You. Oh, and to all the people that I cared about but never gave a rat's ass about me in return, Fuck You too. Yeah, I said Fuck You.

Death

I know I talk about death a lot but I am surrounded by it, so I guess I can't help to think about it. Anyway, whenever I used to see a more worthy person than myself that died or a younger person that passed, I thought, why couldn't that have been me? My life is worth nothing, so why not give up my life for someone else's? Sometimes I still think that, like today. No one would really care if I died, so why not take me rather than someone else who has something to live for? It's a morbid concept but I am ok with it, as anyone should be.

Oh, is that a smile I see?

Really not in the mood to write today, still down with this little cold I have; however I feel that I should write something since it's been a few days since I posted.

It took me forever to realize this but sometimes my own happiness is not the most important thing. What I mean by this is, I think I feel better when I make other people laugh and happy, which in turn makes me happy. Maybe for some of you this is not a new concept but for me it is, mainly because I grew up in a household where anger & unhappiness lived. It is only when I surrounded myself with more positive people & influences that I found being happy is much better than being angry or depressed all the time. Attitude is everything and my own happiness only comes from how I perceive the world to be and how I can make others around me happy. I know there are lost causes out there, people I will never be able to make happy but I can't worry about them. I know I tend to be snarky, bitchy, cranky, etc sometimes but I like to think that does not encompass my whole being nor does it make me an unhappy person. I wear many faces, just wait 15 minutes and another one will appear.

All I ever wanted in my life was to be happy but it's funny because that's when I was at my lowest point. No one can make you happy, you have to do it yourself. Look at the people around you, who are your true friends and true family? (sorry I don't believe blood automatically makes you "family", just my opinion). The people you let into your life, are the people that are a part of your personal well being. I always say I am my best when I am alone but that's not always true because there are some things you can't do alone. In fact, sometimes being alone is the worst thing I can do for myself. The point of all this? Surround yourself with people who make you happy and who love you as you are. It's really that simple, rid yourself of the negative influences and make it a point to make others laugh, you in turn will find yourself a much happier person.