Can one truly reconcile one's past with the present life?? Can one overcome childhood obstacles and transform oneself into someone else?? I ask the questions because I wonder about my own childhood and how I became who I am. I grew up in Appalachia, a desolate, grungy island stuck in poverty and backwoods ideas. Appalachia isn't really an island but it feels like it because one is so far removed from the outside world.
I knew my whole life growing up there, I never belonged there or in my family. I was too outspoken, too quiet,too different, not caucasian enough looking (even though I am caucasian). Being in such an isolated area, there is no diversity, one cultural idea exists and that is of the people who toiled in the earth and lived there for generations. There is no idea of expansion or of integration. Life is stagnant, not ever changing. I grew up alone, tried to forge friendships, maybe had 3 dates in high school and not even a date for the senior prom. I didn't belong and still don't.
I observed, I learned and knew who I didn't want to be and that was to live in that existence, that place I called home. I cannot go back to the run down homes, that may or may not have plumbing, yards with multiple rusted out vehicles , a crestfallen sky hidden behind rolling hills, hills much like mountains, and an unhabitable river that is certainly not the pride of such an area. It is a life with unrecognized potential and dreams, hopeless. It can truly suck the life out of oneself. At times, it almost ended mine.
I did get out though, unlike many I know. I was one of the lucky ones because I had to keep telling myself, this isn't forever and there is something better out there. So, I went away to college and on occasion visit, now my visits are once a year, it is all I can really handle. I am not proud of where I came from and at times, I am ashamed of it. When I look at old pictues of those days, I don't even recognize myself because I have transformed and became who I was supposed to be. My Appalachian accent is barely detectable, although I do sometimes fall back into it, my appearance has changed dramatically, I am no longer that backwoods country girl, and I am well educated, not only through academics but have made friends of many different cultural backgrounds.
The point of this post is not to brag, or even to say, that I have become this great person because I still have not reached my greatest potential. The point is, one can move beyond one's circumstances in life and transform oneself. This is not to say, one needs to deny the past but embrace and accept it for what it was, which was a great learning experience.
