Will I ever learn? I am so bent on self-destruction. It seems I am powerless against it. Every relationship, friendship, family, I have methodically destroyed beyond repair. I really am no good as a person. I don't know how to be in relationships with people, I don't seem to know anything. Is there any level of normalcy? Why do things have to be so difficult? It feels as I can do nothing right, so I resort to drinking and things progressively get worse. Anytime I try to repair ties with people, it never goes the way I want it to and to be fair, I have not tried too hard with my family. I feel so alone all the time and the only thing I have is my writing. I am so tired of it, so I do dumb things because I feel like nothing. I am no one really. I deserve whatever punishment comes my way.
Maybe this is typical human behavior, maybe there is nothing wrong with me but I know there has to be, because people always leave me. Then again, it is much easier to close people out, rather than let them in. I feel as if I will always be alone and I am sure I deserve nothing less than the place I am presently located.
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