I guess I really need to update this thing once in a while. or perhaps shut it down and leave it unfinished, unfinished like much of my life.
Thanksgiving is in a few days, so what will I be doing? Staying home of course. For years, I worked on the holidays but the last few I have been free and have not done anything. There is a price for freedom of course, the shame of telling people I would rather be at home, doing nothing, than celebrating is one of them. I see nothing wrong with it, as Thanksgiving is not a holiday I relish (I really do not like most Thanksgiving food, keep your pumpkin pie and cranberry sauce) or agree should be a national holiday but I cannot say I do not enjoy the time off from work.
Why have I made the choice, to stay at home, you may ask? Well, for one, I am estranged from my family by choice and have not made contact with them in almost three years. It is a rather long story and one I do not care to discuss at this time, however let me just say it is best for my own sanity and selfishness that I am away from them. Yes, I am a selfish being for denying my family access to me but at the same time, I harbor ill feelings toward them and do not feel it is in my best interest to maintain contact at this point in my life. I do have friends, but no one really close and I have a special man in life but again, I cannot depend on others for my own happiness or to entertain me, while they are enjoying time with their families.Truly, I do not mind being along on the holidays, I am at peace with it. I have always felt alone and been self-sufficient. I am sure there are those out there that may pity people that are alone on the holidays but I truly do not mind being alone.
Our decisions in life should not make us feel that the holidays are entirely about family because the truth is, our first obligation is to ourselves. Our obligation to ourselves is that we must do what is best for us and not follow the mentality, oh I am obligated to do this because it is a holiday. If you want to celebrate Thanksgiving that is fine, however if you truly despise the holiday, then why bother putting yourself through the misery of it? Perhaps, select another day to celebrate or make up your own family holiday. If you love and care about your family, then make it your obligation to do so everyday or whenever you have the time, don't just save that time for the holidays. The point is, the holidays do not bring your family together, you do through your own actions and decisions.
Whether, you are alone or celebrating with family or doing nothing at all, Happy Thanksgiving. May you find peace.
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