Bad Decisions

I have made my share of bad decisions, as most people have. My bad decisions include renting a shit hole apartment, which was next to Section 8 housing, run by a complete slum lord, who did nothing to improve that nasty place. Fortunately, I only lived there for 8 months, after I had enough of the roaches and the general sliminess of the place and neighborhood. I was young, naive and extremely poor, on the verge of bankruptcy, trying to dig myself out of a financial hole, which threatened to consume me from poor habits in college. Even though, those were dire times, I made it through them, without anyone having my back. These are regrets and things that cannot be undone.

Perhaps my most recent bad decision, would involve an unwillingness to believe in myself, an unwillingness that I cannot even understand myself. I have been in a the same job for ten years, a job that is yes, honest work, but it is a job that I despise. It is the kind of job that is repetitive and becomes a bad, a very bad habit. I have convinced myself that I have only stayed because I wanted to obtain another degree (I work at a university). The advantage to this is my tuition is free, so I am now on my third option, meaning I started out getting an Education certificate. Then I decided I didn't want to teach high school kids,so then I just took some writing classes. Finally, I decided to get an MFA, unfortunately I didn't get into the program. Well, after a year of not doing anything, I applied for the MA program and was accepted (surprisingly). Hopefully, I will be done in the next year, if I get through the thesis, which will be a great challenge for a procrastinator like myself. If I graduate, then I am not sure what is going to happen. I hope to move on from this job, as I have told myself too many times.

We all become too comfortable with our lives and change becomes a challenge. Our lives are constantly evolving, sometimes we don't always see it. Maybe it took me longer to find my path, more so than others but I do see another side to this, my decisions, whether bad or good have lead to this. When I was rejected from the MFA program, it was a complete letdown and as of this point, I still haven't written any fiction or poetry; however I am writing this blog, which says something in itself and that means I haven't given up, yet.